I Vant To Suck Your….Linoleum Tiles!
Terrorize your pets while vacuuming up their hair with the Roomba Robotic FloorVac. Press a button and watch it clean in a spiral pattern until it finds a wall it can follow before criss-crossing the room for maximum coverage. Comes equipped with a spinning side brush, counter-rotating brushes, a squeegee vacuum, and without the desire to conquer mankind.
$199.99US from www.roombavac.com

Baby Talk
An idea stolen right from an episode of The Simpsons, WhyCry’s baby translator has been clinically tested to be 95% accurate in deciphering your baby’s sobs, helping you to determine whether he’s hungry, lonely, sleepless -- or just completely bullshitting you to get that Pochacco doll.
$99US from www.whycryusa.com

We Be Jammin’
Prevent your beloved from changing the channel when the Pizza Boy begins to undress and the cheesy saxophone music starts to play, by using the Remote Control Jammer. Small and easily concealable, it blocks any signals from your remote to hit the television, though won’t make Friday Night Baby Blue Movie plots seem any more coherent.
$11CDN from www.crazyape.com

Perfect Package
It comes with a variety of attachments, it’s lightweight and it sucks harder than a Steven Segal flick. Who cares. The Dyson DC11 Telescope is, hands down, the best looking vacuum cleaner ever designed. Once rug’s finished, the entire vacuum defies the laws of physics and collapses into a small, compact package half its size, hoses and all.
$660CDN from www.dyson.com

Wet Dream
Finding Nemo is cake with the Spyfish remote-controlled mini-submarine. Explore the ocean floor with the built-in spotlight and capture the entire process on one of the two attached video cameras. If you actually find the little fucker, be very cautious – it means you’ve snorted some bad coke.
$16,000USD Available 2004 www.spyfish .com

Suicide King
Hurt yourself faster with Wheelman’s BushPig, a gasoline-fueled, two-wheel, motorized, off-road recreational vehicle that hits up to 30km/hr. Maneuvers much like a skate, ski, surf or snowboard, enabling you put yourself in eminent danger no matter what season it is.
$1,495US from www.wheelmanworld.com